Tonkawa Massacre

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Oklahoma House of Representatives/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Edge3 (talk · contribs) 01:50, 22 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! I'm happy to be the reviewer for this article.

Here are my initial comments on the lead section:

  • "modified over the years by constitutional amendments approved by voters" -- I recommend changing to "modified over the years by constitutional referenda"
  • "a person must be a citizen of Oklahoma 21 years of age or older"
  • You need to have an "and" between "citizen of Oklahoma" and "21 years of age or older".
  • "Citizen of Oklahoma" is not defined well. Perhaps you should use the same wording as in the "Membership" section.
  • "After the 2012 election, more than two-thirds of the seats were held by Republicans." -- Perhaps this sentence should be moved to the end of the lead, so that it's closer to "Members are organized into political party-based caucuses." Also, since the split between Republicans and Democrats change after every election, this sentence is less important than the rest of the lead.

These are my preliminary comments on the lead only. I'll review the rest of the article shortly. Edge3 (talk) 01:50, 22 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ive gone a head and made to changes to the lead and I'm just waiting for the rest of you review.--Dcheagle • talk • contribs 20:11, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I was hesitant to continue with the rest of the review because the original nominator appears to be inactive. I'll continue the review shortly. Edge3 (talk) 23:27, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • There are several phrases that can be shortened, and there are too many instances of the word "Oklahoma" in this article. For example, "Oklahoma House of Representatives" appears roughly 40 times in the body text, and "Oklahoma Senate" appears eight times. In most cases, it will suffice to simply say "House" or "Senate", or some shortened version of their full names. Where appropriate, "Speaker of the Oklahoma House of Representatives" can also be shortened to "Speaker", "Oklahoma State Capitol" to "State Capitol", and "Governor of Oklahoma" to "Governor". Edge3 (talk) 00:11, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A severe drought beginning in 1932 in western Oklahoma and land consolidation and mechanization in eastern Oklahoma drove farmers out of the state and left others in economic distress." -- This sentence has poor structure. The word "and" shows up too many times, which can confuse the reader. Please reorganize or split the sentence.
  • You should avoid relying on the Encyclopedia of Oklahoma History and Culture, since it is a tertiary source. Please see WP:TERTIARY. Edge3 (talk) 01:57, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the "Powers and legislative process" section, I think that the second paragraph ("Bills are developed...") should be moved closer to the fifth paragraph ("Bills are given a First Reading..."), so that the info on processing a bill is presented together. Feel free to revise this in some other way, if you think it's more appropriate. Edge3 (talk) 22:42, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Lawmakers also vote on whether or not to make the bill effective upon signature of the governor, which requires a two-thirds majority." -- If the bill isn't effective immediately, then when does it become effective? Edge3 (talk) 22:42, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "due to provisions to exempt the state legislature in the 1977-enacted laws" -- I suggest replacing with "due to exceptions enacted in 1977" Edge3 (talk) 22:42, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I have finished my review -- thanks to all of the involved editors for their contributions. I have decided to fail this article's GA nomination, per criterion #3 (broadness in coverage -- see WP:GACR). The "History" section is weak in several areas. I'll start with the "Early years" section. For example, the article should focus not only on legislation related to race relations and women's rights, though both of those are very important topics. However, attention should also be given to House legislation relating to public infrastructure, education, and other government services. (You may have to organize this article's history section along with that of Oklahoma Legislature.) You could also mention key changes to the composition of the House. Have there been any changes to the qualifications for House membership, to the redistricting process, or to the method of election? Furthermore, the "Early history" section currently gives too much weight to impeachments -- are those really pivotal events in the history of this legislative body? If so, then the political significance needs to be explained.

In the next section, you note, "The number of Republican Party seats in the Oklahoma House of Representatives fell dramatically in the 1930s." This seems to be an important point, and should be expanded. The paragraphs in "1960s to Present" are also short and should be expanded. The effects of Reynolds v. Sims need to be mentioned here, if that case had any impact on the redistricting process in Oklahoma.

The "Organization" section should be expanded to explain the roles and powers (official and informal) of each officer. It should also provide the names and roles of all major committees, and a brief overview of the less important committees. Edge3 (talk) 23:17, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

PS: I recommend reading Maryland Senate and Indiana General Assembly for examples of GAs that cover state legislatures. Edge3 (talk) 23:19, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I will go about making the necessary changes and will renominate at a later date. Thank you for the review.

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source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Oklahoma_House_of_Representatives